Xia Yu, I hope this is not the first or last letter I wrote to you. But I want you to know the content of the contradiction, but I'm afraid you know. Because I'm sorry for you. I shouldn't marry you. It's very painful for you. It may also make you sad all your life.

It's all because of my selfishness that I hurt you.

There is a truth that I dare not tell you. But if I die, you are the one who has the most right to know the truth.

A few years ago, I carried out a mission, almost failed, almost died. In order to let me speak, the enemy tortured me with many means, among which I was injected with a large number of poisons. The whole life is better than death. But when I was dying, I was lucky to be saved. Can poison ~ product is tormenting me, still will want my life, but at that time, nobody can save me.

At that time, the only chance to survive was to inject an illegal drug. As for what it was, I can't tell you. But as a result, I became a walking corpse without feelings.

I do not know what is happiness, what is happiness, but also no feeling of love. Without seven emotions and six desires, I can't rely on drugs, and my body will be saved.

But since then, my soul has died.

Every day, I don't know what the meaning of living is. I have to constantly carry out tasks and restrain myself with standard justice and morality. Only when I carry out the task can I have the illusion that I am alive.

Until one day, I met you.

You said you were going to marry me. You like me so much. No matter who you are, you can see it. But as anyone can see, I don't like you.

In fact, I don't dislike you. My heart even wants to be sad. Because I don't know what it feels like, I can't even respond to a girl like you.

Naturally, I can't give you happiness. I don't know what happiness is.

So I turned you down and I was cold to you. But you didn't give up on me, and your feelings for me didn't change at all. Your sincere feelings are simple and pure without anything.

The first time I saw such pure feelings, maybe in this world, only you, will like me so pure, not because of my identity, not because of any reputation.

In front of your simple love, I gradually have a selfish idea. I have no happiness and feelings, but I want to have these more and more. I'm eager, like a pedestrian in the desert.

I want to have your love for me selfishly. I look forward to the day when your love will awaken all my feelings. So when I was sure that you would marry me even if I didn't love you, I agreed to marry you.

Xia Yu, you don't know. At that time, I thought you were my life-saving straw. I'm looking forward to my life changing because of you, but as a result, I'm wrong.

I'm very wrong. I'm very wrong.

Because of my selfish moment, I married you, but I can't give you the happiness you want. I don't even know how to be a husband, or how to love you and respond to your feelings.

Even I am indifferent to your efforts.

When I see the sadness in your eyes, I want to blame myself.