Yusuf

It was the fifteenth day at the hospital, she regained consciousness yesterday after losing her in comatose state.

The doctor had said, her brain and body had shut down due to the abused, so they should be wishing for Allah's shifa and miracle.

Zaid was shot by Khaleed that was what they thought because Khaleed had escaped in the blinked of eye and others had been arrested. It was Zaid that shot Sophia because he saw it with his own eyes.

Something was still baffled Yusuf or wondered him was that before Zaid death ,he had willed all his properties for Sophia.

Crazy!

That man was a psychopath.

The doctor said Yusuf should search for a therapist for Sophia, because of the terror and trauma.

Whenever she woke up, she looked fearful, afraid and nervous. Whenever he tried to reachor touch her, she flinched and begged. Her heartbeat changed, it started beating faster that the monitor beeped furiously round the room.

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Yusuf and Sophia met the therapist, she called Yusuf and talked to him privately.

"Hello Mr Umar " greeted the doctor while smiling.

"Hi doc ,you asked for me" said Yusuf slumping on the wooden chair in her office because he was tired and frustrated of all what was happening.

"It is about your wife" her expression changed slightly, reading from her clipboard, "her conditions are worsen than we think of it. She has been subjected to abuse since her childhood" she took a breath and pause ," by the person that was supposed to protect her, we will try our best but in Allah we trust because He is the one who heals and you've your role to play to help her".

"Some people have how they deals with abuse, some shut themselves and your wife is among them" said the doctor softly, raising her brows at him as he was following her discussion.

"Be patience and understanding; because healing takes time. Don't judge her reaction against your response or anyone. Always try to talk to her and listen. Sir, don't pressure her to talk; it may leads to her having panic, crying or flashback but always be there to listen. Don't let her be isolated, so that she won't dwell up on her thought. When bad memories are hunting her, let her talk, don't cut her or shun her. Show sympathy, empathy but not pity. Talk to her with gentle and soothing words. Always praise her" she said looking at him.

He nodded his head as a sign he  understood what she was saying.

He would always be there for her.

He would help her forget all those bad memories.

Ya Allah help me . He thought.

*****

Sofia

Blackness, that was all I could see, I was sure I was currently swimming in darkness.

I did hear Yusuf's voice, urging me to wake up, telling me how he missed me and loved me, it was his fault. I shook my head vigorously,I was the cause I screamed in my head.

I always found my way there.

*****

Today we were meeting therapist, I entered her office and she greeted me .

"Assalamualaykum"

"Walaykumsalam" I replied quietly, it had been so long I used my voice. When people talk to me, I did sign or didn't answer at all.

Why should I talk?, when my voice brought me so much pains.

"How are you feeling" she asked softly, looking at me with pity.

I hated it!

Don't pity me, I deserved it. I yelled in my head but couldn't voice it out.

"I'm fine" I whispered, looking down casted.

"Please, take this paper and write how you are feeling" she said, pushing the paper to me. I collected it and started writing while writing my hands was trembling. My body was shaking, head throbbing and sweating profusely.

"Easy dear" said the doctor softly.

"Thanks" I replied shakily, still with trembling hands.

I wrote "Numbed,Guilty, Scared, Murderer, Hurt, Damaged, Hopeless, Fear, Depression, Suicidal, Failure, Abomination...."

After I was through, I gave it to her .

She glanced through it, smiled softly and said we were through for the day. I scrambled away from the chair and bolt off. I felt suffocated.

"Are you through?" Yusuf asked, smiling softly at me.

I didn't answer him, he moved forward to touch me but I flinched; thinking he was going to hit me.

I hated it when I flinched away from him but I couldn't helped it.

I was a shell of myself.

He looked hurt and retracted his hand back.

"Hmm, let's go home" he said with hoarseness in his voice.

Every two days in a week was my appointment . We did interact little by little at my pace, I'd not trust her yet because I was doing it for Yusuf's sake.

Yet!

I trusted Yusuf but not fully.

During the session, we did talk about what I'd written in the paper about what I felt.

"Why do you feel guilt?" she randomly asked me, one day when I was in her office during one of my sessions.

"Because I'm a murderer"I whispered out in a crooked voice while looking at the window because the rain calmed me down, folding my legs up as a shield to protect me.

"Why did you say that" she asked softly looking at me with tenderness, pity, sympathy and care.

I hated that look!, I didn't need their pity.

"Be-cauuuse..."I stuttered, my heartbeat was raising, I was hyperventilating.

She came to me and soothed my back "If you don't want to talk about it, it's okay ,I understand" she said understanding.

Hell to understand!

You can never understand because you are not the one who experience it. You only know the theory but I go through the practical. I thought.

"No, you don't, And I want to talk about it" I paused and took a deep breath.

"He said I'm a murderer, I killed her and crave it on my body, so that I won't forget. " I said lowly, remembering the pains, my scream from help till I passed out.

"No Sophy, you are getting it wrong, just because he said you're a murderer don't make you one". She continued while soothing my back.

"Just because I tattooed 'I'm a dog on my body', doesn't mean I am one or behave like one. And Sophy did you kill her?" She asked while I shook my head.

"That's means you are not a murderer, he was trying to manipulate your brain and heart" she said.

"No, it's my fault"

"No dear" she hugged me,"not yours" and then closed my eyes.

For the first time after the incident, I felt relieved.

I felt I was feeling better.

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