Chapter 371: Have everything but still nothing

Mu Shuchun felt an uncomfortable feeling rising in her chest. The more she thought about it now, the more it was becoming clear.

She was so panicked at that time with the sudden pregnancy that she never calmly thought about it.

Was it really impossible to keep the child? Was there really no way out where she could have both?

Nana’s question brought her out of her stupor. “What about the father? What did he have to say about it?”

Mu Shuchun froze.

Shin…

She couldn’t say anything for a while. “I- I mean, my friend, she didn’t…d-discuss it with him and w-went ahead and aborted the child.”

Nana widened her eyes. “Why?”

“Because she was too scared. She couldn’t think of anything but her career. She didn’t want anybody to know that she was pregnant, so she q-quickly…”

Nana was speechless. “That…I am sorry, but she was wrong.”

Mu Shuchun bit her lip.

“Pregnancy is a big decision. Actually, it’s a life-changing one. It is important that both the mother and father talk, discuss, and try to find a solution. The father has as much right on the child as the mother. Whatever the decision might be in the end, but she should have talked to him once about it. Wait. Was he not ready to have the child? Did your friend feel that he would oppose her pregnancy?”

Mu Shuchun tremblingly shook her head.

“I-it is actually the opposite. Her boyfriend was…a really nice man. He is the best man any girl could dream of. He was gentle and caring. He loved her a lot. He would have never opposed the child’s birth.”

She felt bitter in her heart. She felt ashamed of herself. She now felt unworthy of Shin.

“You didn’t even talk to me, Shuchun! We would have found a solution together! Did you think I would have abandoned you? Did you think so less of me?”

Shin’s words rang in her ears repeatedly.

Her one rash mistake cost her both her child and Shin’s love.

“He would have never abandoned her…” My Shuchun spoke as if she was talking to herself.

Nana kept quiet. She got the gist of what might have happened.

Mu Shuchun smiled self-deprecatingly, “In fact…they broke up precisely because she took the decision all alone and k-killed their child. He was terribly hurt. It broke his heart to know that the child was gone. Now he hates her from the bottom of his heart, so much so that he cannot even tolerate her presence anymore in front of him.”

“I see…”

Mu Shuchun’s eyes were stinging in tears, but she didn’t want to let Nana know that she was talking about herself even though Nana already figured it out.

“Would you have told Liu Jinhai?”

Nana said, “Yes. My decision would have been the same. I had decided to give birth. But irrespective of Jinhai’s decision, he deserved to know that he was going to become a father.”

Mu Shuchun smiled.

Jian was done with his meal and was hopping in Nana’s embrace.

“Gudsshhghhh…”

Nana smiled and picked him in her arms to pat his back.

“Do you want to hold him?”

Mu Shuchun was startled. “Huh?”

Nana asked, “Do you want to hold him?”

Mu Shuchun pursed her lips. She really wanted to hold the baby.

“C-can I?” She was still very hesitant.

“Why not?”

“I don’t know how to a baby, though…”

Nana giggled. “Come here. I will teach you. It’s easy.”

Nana handed Jian to her and showed her how to position her arms. “Hold his neck with your hand.”

Mu Shuchun stared at Jian, who was now in her arms, staring back at her with his big, black, watery orbs.

“Aboooooooooooo…”

She felt a rush of emotions like a wave trying to crash a wall violently. As she held the tiny Jian in her arms, her eyes couldn’t help but tear up. He was so cuddly and adorable. His innocence took her breath away. His sweet smile and giggle melted her heart. He was so warm that she wished never to part from him.

She softly pinched his cheek, and Jian brightened. He raised his tiny hands and curled them around her neck.

His soft touch made her tremble. She couldn’t help but imagine that it was her own child.

“Booobhshe…”

Jian clutched the chain she was wearing in her neck while burying his face in her chest.

Nana smiled. “He likes you.”

Mu Shuchun couldn’t say anything. She felt a tightness in her throat as if somebody was strangling her.

She was feeling so guilty about abortion. Despite having Shin as her boyfriend, who was so understanding and who would have done his best to manage the situation, who would have always stood by her side and loved her and their child, she felt horrible for being such an idiot to let her fear get the best of her.

Everything was lost…her child and Shin’s love too.

Yes, now she was a famous model. She became successful in her career, but why was she feeling so empty at this moment?

Wasn’t this what she always wanted? Then why did she feel as if she still had nothing with her?

The fame, the success, the celebrity feeling…was now looking all meaningless to her as she gazed at Jian’s black orbs.

“You are fortunate to have such adorable sons…” Mu Shuchun couldn’t help but say.

Nana smiled. “En.”

They heard a knock and saw that it was Jinhai. Nian was calm now, but he still looked grumpy.

Mu Shuchun quickly said, “Oh, it’s Nian’s turn. I am sorry. Our discussion made him wait. It’s time for me to leave too.”

Nana paused but then nodded. “Alright.”

She handed Jian back to Nana. “Thank you. It was nice meeting you. You are a wonderful person.”

Nana nodded. “I felt nice too. If you want, then you can visit anytime to meet the twins.”

Mu Shuchun’s gaze dimmed.

Again? Shin will never allow it…

But she smiled. “Sure.”

As she left, Jinhai hurriedly went inside and handed Nian to Nana.

“Aww…come here, my prince. Look how grumpy you are.” She laughed.

“Baaaaaa….”

“Yes, yes, it’s your turn now.”

Nana took him in his arms, and Nian immediately clung onto her breast, already starting to suck on his meal.

Nana helplessly shook her head.

But not just a minute went by when Jinhai asked, “Is he done?”

Nana looked at him, shocked. “Huh? He has just started.”

Jinhai pursed his lips. “Hm.”

Then he asked again. “Is he done now?”

Nana blinked her eyes. “It’s been only two minutes.”

“How long does he need?” Jinhai was restless.

“Do you finish your dinner in just two minutes? He is just a baby.”

Jinhai hesitated but complied. When Nana looked back at him, he seemed very restless as if he was eagerly waiting for Nian to finish.

“Is there anything wrong?”

“Nothing…”

“Then why do you seem in such a hurry?”

Jinhai said nothing.

After ten minutes, Nian was finally done. Jinhai sighed in relief. He immediately bent over to take him, but Nana interrupted him. “Wait, I have to pat him; otherwise, he can vomit out.”

Jinhai frowned. He impatiently waited another five minutes.

When Nana finally put Jian and Nian in the crib, Jinhai suddenly hugged her from behind.

Nana was surprised. “J-Jinhai?”

She moved, but he pinned her wrists in front in his hands. “Let me stay like this for a while.”