As I walked out of the ward feeling worn out, my phone rang. As soon as I saw the name displayed on the screen I pressed the answer button without thinking.

“Miss Jian,” the voice on the other end of the phone was not his, “I’m Nian Yi. Can we talk?”

“Go ahead,” I said lightly, suppressing my disappointment.

“Miss Jian, I’m a few years older than Elvis. I’ve known him for many years. He’s almost always perfect at work, but he’s not very good at emotional matters. He may treat love as a career,” He said solemnly. “He used to hardly ever touch a drop of alcohol, but now he has alcohol in his hand every night. Sooner or later, people will break down. This matter between you‒”

“Mr. Nian,” I calmed my breathing, “you’re worrying too much.”

I hung up, and then the phone slipped from my hand and fell to the ground.

I heard my anxious footsteps echoing down the hallway as I rushed off.

When I opened the door of his room and walked in, I could smell the scent of alcohol, but it was not strong. The heavy three-layer curtains blocked out all the outside light, and the only light in the room came from a small wall lamp mounted at the head of the bed. It was weak, barely  illuminating the person sitting at the end of the bed. He was facing away from the light, his silhouette blurred like a layer of mystery in the dark.

I walked towards the figure and squatted down in front of him. His eyes were closed tightly, his lips pursed.

“Xichen.”

His body tensed up and his eyes flew open. I couldn’t be sure of exactly how many emotions passed through his eyes as he looked at me. Pain, surprise, ecstasy…

I reached out with my fingers and lightly caressed his cheek, then his neck, and waited for his eyes to focus before I slowly pulled him into my arms.

“Anjie, Anjie, how could you treat me like this…”

“I don’t like some of your behavior‒”

I wanted to make it clear to him that while I didn’t like his behavior and I hoped that he never repeat it again, I would not leave him.

But Xi Xichen raised his arm and pulled my face to his, kissing me heavily with pain and deep frustration, his tongue greedily intruding in and swallowing mine.

The taste of alcohol in his mouth made me uncomfortable, but my struggle made his arms around my waist tighten even more.

He ignited a searing heat in me, and he knew exactly how to make it impossible for me to resist.  His lips fell densely on my neck, shoulders and chest, and he began to tug at the clothes on my body indiscriminately.

“Wait a minute, Xi Xichen!” It was impossible to go on like this when Mr. Nian had been standing outside when I had entered the room!

But Xi Xichen showed no sign of stopping at all. His hands attacked my body mercilessly and a current spread through my whole body, making it impossible to resist.

When I woke up later that night, my mouth felt dry. I wanted to get up and drink water, but when I moved, the arms around my waist tightened immediately. I turned on the bedside lamp and looked at the person beside me. He frowned deeply in his sleep, seemingly restless. I felt a sudden stab of pain in my chest, and I stretched out my arms to wrap around and comfort him..

His stiff body began to gradually relax, and he woke up with a sigh, “Anjie.”

When I tried getting up again, his arms tightened around me once more, “Don’t move.” He sighed contentedly, leaning against my ear, “Stay with me a little longer.”

I stayed.

“You said you don’t like my style, not that you don’t like me?”

“Yes.”

He lowered his head and kissed my forehead, “Okay, I’ll change.”

After confirming this, he began to confess some things to me. He told me that what he did to Ye Lin had been out of selfishness as well as wanting to help, but the selfishness had been greater than the desire to help.

I couldn’t blame him, because all his selfishness had come from me. I wondered again what I had done to make him protect me for so many years.

This time I asked him plainly, and he said that he would do anything just to receive a nod and some form of response from me.

Maybe that’s what love was. There was no source and no reason.

I hadn’t expected though that soon after we expressed our feelings to each other we would quarrel again soon after.

Ye Lin’s hospital had kept my number, so when I received a call from the hospital the following day informing me that Ye Lin was gone, I felt greatly disturbed.

I didn’t don’t know how to tell Xi Xichen, but he immediately said, “I’ll take you there. Anyway, you can’t run away from your life.”

I went to the hospital to learn about the situation, and the nurse told me that Ye Lin still needed to stay a couple more days in the hospital for observation. It was dangerous for him to disappear so rashly. There was also no way to contact him because his mobile phone and wallet had been left at the hospital.

I sat in a hospital chair lost in thought, wondering where he might go. When I came back to myself, I found Xi Xichen squatting in front of me with his coat on my legs. A sudden thought crossed my mind, and I jumped up, but my legs had gone numb and I fell back down heavily.

“Be careful. Where does it hurt?” He asked, holding me up.

I pushed him away, “I’m okay. I need to go to him. I think I might know where he is.”

He stopped moving, “Can you pay attention to me?”He had a wry smile on his face, and his hand still hadn’t let go. I looked at him.

“Xichen, I have to go to him and make sure he’s okay.”

He actually smiled, and then let go, “You know very well that if you want to leave, I can’t stop you at all.”

“What happened to you?”

“What do you think?” He twitched his lips slightly.

“There is something in your words. What are you thinking, what are you trying to say?” I felt a little angry. We’d been so open and honest so far.

He stared at me with a trace of unease, “You make me uneasy, Anjie. You are nostalgic and have a foundation of feelings. All of this makes me uneasy‒”

I interrupted him, “I thought there would be no more misunderstandings between us.”

“Yes, there are no misunderstanding between us. However, a little bit of trouble around you will make me involuntarily jumpy,” he confessed. “Anjie, what if he really seeks death? What does it have to do with us?” His fingers lightly touched my face, “You’ve had worry for him written all over your face ever since you got that call. I know you are thinking, ‘Where is he? Did he hurt himself? Is it possible that he committed suicide?’ ”

I couldn’t help sighing and said, “Xichen, you can’t ask me to be like you. I can’t adopt your complete ruthlessness.”

“It seems that in your eyes, I am completely ruthless.”

I felt tired.

“I don’t want to argue with you about these things. I don’t want to stress over and over again on the fact that we need to trust each other.”

“Your words make me feel like I’m making trouble unreasonably,” he said abruptly.

I paused for a moment, and then laughed.

“It’s good that you know that.”

I knew he didn’t like seeing me like this, but I had had a relationship with Ye Lin, and I couldn’t stop caring about whether he lived or died simply because the relationship was over.

I didn’t know how to deal with a couple’s quarrel though.

“Maybe we need to give each other some space? I’ll go to my friends to help me find him, and you can do your own business.”

Xi Xichen looked at me silently.

Lin Xiaodi was still around, so I called her. Since it was the weekend she wasn’t not busy, and she quickly came without saying a word.

For the next two days, I searched for him in all the places I could think of, but found nothing.