I woke up groggily, I g.r.o.a.n.e.d tiredly, scrutinizing my eyes. The ray of light was too bright. The smell of disinfectant made my heart to constricted.

I hated the smell of hospital!.

I hated hospitals!.

They held too unwanted memories.

But wait!.

Yusuf!.

Yusuf was alive!

Where was he since all these years!.

My eyes sting with unshed tears. I felt turned and betrayed.

He left me.

He didn't want me.

Why couldn't he divorce me and tell me he wasn't doing again?

What have I done so wrong?

I cried silently in my palms, my body trembling with different kinds of emotions.

I heard footsteps coming closer to me but I didn't raise my head. I wasn't ready to face the reality and truth that Yusuf was alive.

It must be a dream

I must be hallucinating with all what was happening.

"Mom" I heard my boy voiced calling me out of my misery.

"Uhn"

"Arrre youu crying" he asked softly, I knew he wasn't the only one in the room.

"No baby" I sniffed, "something entered mom's eyes" I hated lying to my boy. I raised my head up slowly, using the opportunity to quickly wiped any trace of tears away from my face. I knew my eyes would give away that I'd been crying because how red bloody shot it was and puffy.

"How are you feeling ma'am" he asked in his manly deep voice which made me froze in my position.

My eyes brimmed with eyes, I bit my lips hard to stop it from trembling.

From wifey to ma'am.

From best friend to stranger

It hurt so much, for the person you care and love should denied you.

It hurt to be rejected.

I heard my boy's voice at the background telling me he would be outside.

I stood on my shaking legs and went to him, holding my breath. I needed to know if he was real. That I wasn't imagining it.

I touched his face with my shaking hands before whispered out "Yusuf"

He held my hand away from his face gently, "ma'am, it is very nice to meet you at last. Your son said do much about you but I'm sorry to meet you like this and by the way" he wrinkled his nose, "I'm not Yusuf ma'am"he smiled softly at me before he continued,"My name is Zubair that's why my pupils called me captain Z".

Where was he since all this executing years of pains? .

He hurted me.

He was not Zubair

He was lying

He was my Yusuf.

I must be going crazy.

Yusuf was died, he was announced dead at the hospital then why was he standing here?

Could a dead body wake?

No that was impossible

I screamed again, "my Yusuf is alive and doesn't want me" I shook my head in denial.

"Ma'am are you OK" he moved forward to touch me but I shouted at him to stop.

I hate been lied to

He denied me

"What's happening here?" I heard my son's teacher voice in distance.

"Wifey, I don't know" I flinched away, as he called her wifey.

The name he used to call me.

His endearing name for me.

The name I thought was only mine.

The name I thought was special.

It hurts everywhere especially my heart.

My heart bleed.

"She continued calling me Yusuf and I told her I'm not" he said to her, "is she crazy", he asked in a hushed voice but I heard him.

Was I crazy?

No!, I wasn't.

He was my Yusuf.

"Hello ma'am, you are abdullah mother right?. Sorry to meet you in the position" she rolling her eyes, "but I'm Khadijah, Zubair's fiance and his soon to be wife by next two weeks" she sneered at me before she dragged Yusuf by him arm and walked out.

My world collapsed.

My soul shattered.

Soon after that my mom, Abdulrahman, Maryam entered. My mom rushed to me patting my back gently, talking to me in soothe comfortable voice but it didn't relieve me. I was in pain.

I was pained emotionally, mentally also.

"Mom he's alive" I sobbed.

"shhh, it's OK" mum shooed me.

"No mom, he was alive since all these years and he does not remember me" as I said that mom didn't looked at me but before she turned her head her eyes swirled with guilty.

I took in a breath, calming myself down, "mom what are you not telling me?" I asked meekly afraid of her response.

"Nothing" she bit out

"Then why are you not looking at me in eyes." I asked, looking at others. They stood some feet away but does not look at me.

"Mom, look at me in eyes and tell me it's nothing" I ordered.

She glanced up, her eyes was filled with unshed tears. "I'm sorry baby" she clamped her mouth.

"What are you sorry about" I wondered.

"I've hurt you, I hate lying to you but I need to protect both of you" " she sobbed.

"Mom explain, I don't understand" I said.

"We know, we all know he was alive" as I heard her confession, I detached myself away from her quickly as if she burnt me.

I felt betrayed.

"Your know" I asked weakly to be sure of what I heard and she nodded in confirmation.

I gulped swallowing the thick lump in my throat before laughing like a manic. I clutched my stomach while laughing because it hurt but I need to laugh then tears began to prick from my tear duct.

I couldn't freaking believe it.

I couldn't comprehend

No one to trust

"what of you?" I faced Maryam.

She looked away shamefully before whispered out  "yes".

I grinned widely while sniffing, "and you call yourself a sister".

"And you too?" I asked abdulrahman.

"Yes but it was recent. I was told when you fainted" he grumbled.

I was surrounded by betrayals.

I was kept in the dark for so long

"We are sorry Sophia, he loss his memory and couldn't remember you because he hit his head" mom tried to let me reason. But that didn't justify their betrayals.

It hurt so much, being betrayed by love ones.

I felt suffocated how I was seeing them in the same room with me.

Mom crouched to my level and touched me. I flinched away before shouting "don't touch me".

All of them disgusted me.

"Get out" I yelled, at them, they still stood their ground looking at me with tears eyes.

I didn't care.

I was hurting

"Get out" I yelled again, throwing anything within my arm length at them.

I shouted. I wanted to vest my frustrations, hurt, betrayals out.

They lied.

They deceived me.

They made me a soulless lady.

"Please let us explain" mom said but I was having that.

"Out "

"It was not our fault, it was his parents ideal because....",I shut the door at them, didn't let them finish.

I didn't need there explanation

They were all betrayals.

They broke my trust

They shattered my soul

Then I heard the voice again. The dark voice the voice that taunted my dreams, that always gave me chill and sleepless nights.

"You are nobody, no one will love you".

It was true I was nobody

I was no one

~~~