I ran to my room without looking back. I locked the door and slumped down it.

Why me!

The pounding of the door never ceased to stop. I was hearing Maryam and abdulrahman other side of the door, telling me to open but I didn't. By the time they knew I won't open the door, they left me alone to wallow on my self pity.

"Ya Allah!,why?" I sobbed.

"These are too much for me, I never pray for these oh Allah" I went. "Ya Allah, I know this is my challenge, please help me. You are the one who helps prophet Noah. Please help me. Give me steadfastness, patience" I pray.

I stood up to pray to Allah because he's all hearer and seer. He knows what you want and what you need. He hears our prayers. And I remembered my mom's word "when you are ; depressed,sad, heartbroken or don't have the will to move on, just read the words of Allah, it will ease you".

"Allah I'm overcome,come thou my help. Surely, I know with every difficulty is ease,Allah please ease my affairs. And it is written in the Quran that ' no evils befalls on the earth nor in your souls,but it is in a book before we bring it into existence. Surely that's easy to Allah: so that you may not grieve for what had escaped you, not be exultant at what He has given you; and Allah doesn't love any arrogant booster'. Allah forgive me for all what I've mis-said or mis-do, ya Allah you are the most forgiver and the most pardoner." I whispered. No need of me shouting, because Allah knows what what I wanted to say. And Allah said 'And certainly We created man,and We know what his mind suggests to him,and We are nearer to him than his life-vein'.

Sometimes what you need might not be what you want,and what you want might not be what you need but knows what your heart d.e.s.i.r.es.

After I was done with my nafilah (two volunteer prayer), I went to the kitchen to quench my thirsty. As Abdulrahman saw me entered, he stood up and walked towards me.

"Sophia, I understand" he said softly,"no need of talking. We are going to pass through,it just an obstacle" he patted my hands and pecked my forehead.

"Your mom has called earlier" he said.

"What did you tell her" I asked with hoarseness in my voice.

"I told her.." I cut him off, "please don't tell her anything. I don't want to bother her" I whispered.

"I understand. Come here dear" he motioned for me to come nearer.

Hr took my hand and make me sat of the couch while I rested my head on his l.a.p.

He read the Quran to me softly, my heart was contented,my tensed shoulder ease with the recitation and I was lured to peaceful dreamless sleep.

********

"Mom I'm not goi-ng to that scho-ol a-gain" Abdullah huffed and sat beside me.

"What happened Bibi" I took his hand and draw him towards. I c.a.r.e.s.sed his face while pecking all over his face.

"My class-ma-te are moc-king me be-cause of my tal-king" he cried.

My heart bleed

My baby!

"Who?" I asked.

"The tea-chers al-so moc-ked me,they won't stop them. Tea-chers don't a-llow me to talk be-cau-se I a-a-am" he was sobbing profusely,"dis-tur-bing" he was breathing heavily. He needed to breath.

"Abdullah sweetie,breath for mom" I said worriedly.

"No-ooo mooooommmy" his eyes dilated,his c.h.e.s.t moving vigorously.

"Ch-es-t pa-in-ing" he touched his c.h.e.s.t.

"Baby breath!" I cried out while shaking him.

"I I i cannnt breath"

"In baby" he inhaled.

"Out baby" he exhaled.

"That is it baby, breath for mom" I said softly, patting his hands.

When he had relaxed,I craddled him on my l.a.p while kissing Al his face.

He's alright

Nothing happened

My baby is okay

My baby

"Mo-mmy crying?" He asked softly.

I wiped my tears,"no baby, something entered my eyes" I sniffed.

Alhamdullilahi he's okay

I can have him sick again.

"Mo-mmy do-n't crt be-cau-se of me. I hate see-ing you cry-ing. I'm a bad ch-ild. It's a bad ch-ild who ma-kes his pa-rents to cry" he said dejectedly.

"No baby,you are the best baby a parents will ever wish for" I kissed his forehead.

"A-bout scho-ol..."

I cut him off, I didn't want him to get into another panic attack.

"What should we do today" I changed the subject.

"Cartooon" he beamed with happiness.

Alhamdullilahi he has forgotten but he will soon ask of it again.