░Bing Shi's thoughts░

'Other's thoughts'

〖Xuan Mu's thoughts.〗

MMO(RPG) - A massive, online multiplayer game. (WoW, LineAge 2, AION, Blade and Soul, Black Dessert, Terra, etc.)

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[*WARNING* Disturbing thoughts below.]

If the walls were painted black, the room couldn't be any darker, for the windows were veiled by roller blinds and thick curtains, preventing any light to stream through. Sitting behind the desk in the corner, a boy was checking his friend list on his old laptop.

"Stay in the room, don't come out," a man ordered a fifteen years old Xuan Mu.

"With pleasure," Xuan Mu answered without a care in the world. When the grayed out name turned green, his sour mood changed for better.

"Such a useless brat, all you do is play games all day!" his father shouted furiously.

"Give me the name of his father. Such a useless son he has, let me teach his father how to raise a son," Xuan Mu answered emotionlessly.

〖 Want to ruin my mood? No chance.〗

The man went out angrily, and trashed at the door, closing it furiously.

Xuan Mu fully ignored his so-called father. His mind was fully on a girl's name. She only played MMO, but he wanted to try other games with her. Today, he invited her to a competitive play, just for fun. She agreed readily.

Bing Shi waited until they were in a game and typed into a group chat.

『Bing Shi:』Hey, Let's win this game! Oh, and I'm a girl, first time playing! But I'll cheer on you~

The group chat went out of control:

『Garrectum:』A girl? Which bastard invited a girl to the party!?

『Alifessid:』Her rank is high! Is someone carrying her?

『Alifessid:』RIP my rank...

『Garrectum:』Fūck is this another lose?

『CourtlyItur:』Go back to the kitchen woman!

『Garrectum:』Report Bing Shi and whoever invited her!

『CourtlyItur:』Someone make a video! What happens when a girl tries to play games!

『Bing Shi:』That one with the highest rank invited me, Atlan!????

The whole room went silent. If Atlan wanted it on hard mode, then do it yourself! No need to take them along! They cried out bitterly.

Xuan Mu laughed out loud. She just had to make a ruckus. Then, he got a whisper from her.

『Bing Shi:』I just downloaded this game, are you sure? God, you really created an account with my name and ranked me up? When did you become such a troll?????

She laughed while typing.

『Xuan Mu:』Just now, let's win!????

He grinned and typed back.

Seeing his answer, she couldn't help but giggle.

『Bing Shi:』Hey, don't learn bad things from me!

The game started. While both teams were fighting, Bing Shi simply put her avatar on a dance mode and chatted with the enemy team. Occasionally, she would cheer on them too!?

Her party members went furious. Didn't she say she would cheer on them?! She was not only a girl but also a troll! They gave up and started to troll with her. Coming near her avatar, they began to dance, ready to lose.

But the funny thing was, the enemy team began to dance with them too. While both teams were having a socializing party in the middle of the combat, an Assasin in stealth mode sneaked behind the two groups for a surprise attack. That's how an enemy team was wiped out by Xuan Mu. They won just like that.

『Bing Shi:』Easy win! No need to thank me. ????

『Everyone:』A Goddess~

『Bing Shi:』I said no need to thank me, I wasn't the one who wiped out the whole team, haha!

『Everyone:』Teach me sempai!

Bing Shi ignored them and whispered to Xuan Mu.

『Bing Shi:』I was so cool, did you see that? ????

『Xuan Mu:』I can't stop laughing, that was epic.????

She even switched the spotlight to him. He wanted to say it was cute but was too scared to tell her, afraid she'll run away.

Note N.1 - You have no chance with her in real life. She doesn't approach men in real life.

When he was with her, he had to use his brain cells like crazy, just one wrong move and she would be gone. Forever.

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Xuan Mu reminisced their first encounters...

He was 11 when he first met her. She played the game for a year while he just started. They were too far apart. She noticed him first and was the first one to start a conversation. When she got to know his age, she got interested and started to chase him around the lake with hearts above her head, telling him how innocent he was for running away from a girl.

Note N.2 - Be mysterious, but if she takes an interest, always respond, don't ignore her.

She helped him to level up. They chatted and played for at least five days before she suddenly disappeared.

The whole server was curious how out of nowhere, a high ranked archer deleted her account. She was forgotten fast by all, but not him. A popular girl talked to him. Even though it was in a game, he remembered her name, Bing Shi. The first one to notice somebody like him. Later, he found the game boring and stopped playing too.

The second time he met her, was when he was 13. The same game. She was there, this time as a shaman with the same name. And she remembered him! How? He was the only boy she ever chased around, finding it funny how he always ran away like a scared kid. He found it funny too, being chased around by a girl.

He asked her why she left, and her answer was:

『Bing Shi:』I don't like men, but I'm still attracted to them. They are fun! I never want to be attached to anything, so when I start to get attached, I leave. It's easiest online.???? I wish there were more girls though. ????

〖 Being alone is good, I like to be alone too.〗

They had so much fun together. She helped him to gain experience again, laughing at him, asking:

『Bing Shi:』Why is your level still the same as I left it? You are so strange! ????

『Xuan Mu:』It's a brainless task, which doesn't need any skills. I like to challenge my mind so I don't play MMO often.

『Bing Shi:』That's cool, I'm the opposite, I like MMO because I can shut down my mind. ????

She was a monster. She helped him for 10 hours straight! What's wrong with her? But it was so cool. He never met someone who could play for such a long time, thinking he was the only one.

She left after three days, without words. If he came sooner, they could be together longer. Why did he always arrive right before she was about to leave? He decided to wait for her, she seemed to especially like this game. His avatar always stayed on the same level.

While he played the games he liked, he would leave his small avatar online. When he saw someone with her name, he asked if it was her. But what was a chance she would have the same name? None of them was the real Bing Shi.

Note N.3 - Always asks if she will come tomorrow. Because she always leaves without words.

Their third meeting was in one of the new servers, which just came out.

Trying out new servers was like a routine for him, he lost hope already.

When he logged into the beginner village, an avatar with her username stood in the middle of the main square. Could it be her? After he asked, he got to know that it was really her! He couldn't believe his eyes! He felt so lucky to meet her again. Bing Shi was surprised that somebody could still remember her.

She had a higher level, as always...

『Bing Shi:』Whenever I meet you I feel like your sugar mommy, haha! Come, let me carry you.

Xuan Mu grinned. She could always make him laugh. She never talked to other men when she was with him, she found them boring compared to him. He felt giddy inside, she could make him feel so special and happy.

He tried to think up a way, to let him know unsuggestively if she was still the same as before, an untouchable girl. He liked it about her, how she didn't fall prey to other men easily.

She was pretty smart, talkative, and secretive. He enjoyed chatting with her as it was like a war of minds between them.

Sometimes he felt like she was testing him, judging his every move.

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Now, they could finally play together.

He was about to ask her if she wanted him to teach her how to play but when he saw her message, his world shattered. He started hyperventilating.

〖 Calm down! I have to stop her from leaving!〗

He wrote the first thing which came to his mind and started to scratch his chest over his shirt.

〖 Stop it... Stop hurting... Why does it hurt so much?!〗

Imagine when someone suddenly appears at your lowest, makes you happy, and when you think you are the happiest person alive, they leave without words.

From then on, the happier he was, the more scared he felt at the same time. Bing Shi did it to him two times without knowing, it became some type of trauma for him, because now when he felt happy again, she was thinking of leaving him!

『Bing Shi:』I started to get too attached to you. But because you were the only one who I couldn't find fault with, I decided to inform you before I leave. It's like you were too perfect and I hate perfect things. They scare me.

His whole being broke down; he began to scratch his chest again and again to numb his pain.

It was only for three months! That's too fast. He felt happy that she felt attached to him but more than that, he was scared of her, leaving him! Did his nightmares finally become reality? Why was he feeling like this?

He hated his parents for giving birth to him.

He didn't want to be born.

Nobody asked him.

He hated this world.

He hated everybody.

The older he got, the more hatred he felt towards everything.

Gaming could help him cope with it, numbing his brain from such thoughts. She could make his mind work even more. With her, his mind was overworking so much that he could even forget about his sick self.

She liked funny guys. He tried to be funny.

She hated suggestive men. He never suggested anything.

She didn't like smokers. He didn't smoke.

She didn't like men who drank alcohol. He never touched alcohol before.

She hated men who were abusive toward their wives. He never abused anyone, he hated those men too.

She hated cheaters. He was not a cheater, he hated cheaters too.

『Xuan Mu:』Please, don't leave. You saved my life.

The sentence he typed out when he wasn't thinking. It was so cheesy that she might run away for being suggestive! He even started to hate his brain for destroying everything. He couldn't understand what's going on inside his mind. Why's everything so messy!?

『Bing Shi:』Oh, how?

The girl on the other side laughed at how cheesy it was. Usually, she would feel vexed, but somehow she could tolerate it from him.

He felt nauseous because of too much fear. He put his hand on his mouth trying to hold it in. But his face was full of tears.

〖 Should I tell her?〗

〖 Wouldn't I scare her away?〗

〖 Didn't she say she hates perfect men?〗

〖 So I don't have to be perfect?〗

『Xuan Mu:』Do you know the time when I found you? I just came out of the hospital. If I didn't meet you, I would probably end there again.

His hands started to shake.

〖 Or in the asylum.〗

『Bing Shi:』Were you sick? Are you okay now? Why were you in the hospital?

〖 Now, here it comes.〗

『Xuan Mu:』Attempted suicide. But it was a fail. So after I went home and found you, I just decided to live a bit longer.

The girl on the other side was too shocked. She couldn't understand, how could somebody hurt themselves? Wasn't it the opposite? For people to hurt others?

〖 Now, she will leave for sure.〗

〖 I don't even know how she looks like or where she lives.〗

〖 ... Whatever, I don't care anymore...〗

He clutched his chest.

〖 Stop...hurting!〗

『Bing Shi:』Huh? Are you telling a truth? You are not lying, right? Why? How did you try to die? But you sounded so happy when chatting. Were you pretending?

She threw out a bunch of questions.

〖 Hm? Did she get curious? She didn't run away?〗

〖 Even my parents are scared of me.〗

〖 If she wants to know about my sick self then let her know.〗

『Xuan Mu:』I just hate everything. It wasn't my decision to be born, at least I wanted to make a decision when to die. I tried sleeping pills at first and almost succeeded but they found out. Now they don't even let me lock my door.

『Bing Shi:』I feel the same. But I love myself too much to hurt myself.

The girl on the other side started crying, the first time she felt someone could understand her.

〖 So she feels the same as me?〗

〖 I couldn't tell at all.〗

〖 ...But I don't love myself... I hate myself as much as this world...〗

『Xuan Mu:』But when I'm with you I don't have those thoughts. You are the only one I don't hate. Don't worry, we can always stay like this. Just don't leave, please.

〖 Please, let her stay, please, let her stay.〗

『Bing Shi:』Will you kill yourself if I leave?

She asked with her brain's permission.

『Xuan Mu:』I will.

He typed out seriously.

『Bing Shi:』So if you die I'll become a killer?

『Xuan Mu:』No! It's from my own will.

『Bing Shi:』Then let's continue being friends until you decide to take your life back. I'll keep it for now. But I'm not promising anything.

『Xuan Mu:』Just keep it. You can do whatever you want with it, but please, never leave without words.

He felt relieved, he could make her stay. He stopped his hand which was scratching his heart.

〖 Does she hate perfect things?〗

『Xuan Mu:』Also, I dropped out of school.

He confessed.

〖 Come at me, Judge me!〗

『Bing Shi:』No wonder you were so good at games. It makes sense now, haha!

Note N.4 - Never ever try to be perfect before her.

Bing Shi thought he had some potential while Xuan Mu kept her as a form of a solution for his psychological problems. Thanks to her, he started to train his manipulative personality.