It was about 4:30 in the evening when I had finally arrived at the apartment.

I had been circling  the block for a while nervous that Harin would be home for I hadn\'t mustered up the courage to tell her yet.

What will I say if we run into each other like do it tell her or do I not?

Luckily for me, after finally mustering up the courage, I found that the apartment was empty which I was truly grateful for.

Although I was happy that she wasn\'t here, I was kind of bummed that I had wasted so much time psyching out my self for no good reason.

I kicked my sneakers off dropping my bag on the couch as I made my way to the kitchen for some water and a snack.

I sat on the couch removing my phone from my pocket gently placing it beside me, intently staring at it deciding if I should call my mom or not.

After a few minutes of consideration I decided that it was best to tell her after at least the end of the trimester.

I would be out of school by then and would be able to go home.

Maybe coming to Korea was mistake.

There was no way I could raise a child all by myself in a strange country without a job and would be out of a home soon.

I dived into a bag of chips desperately trying to eat my stress and worries away.

I know I promised the doctor that I would eat healthy so that is why I am having water with my chips instead of juice.

Yup. Super healthy.

I turned the TV looking for an escape but ironically enough all the shows were about babies.

From baby animals, to human babies to even baby plants.

It\'s like the universe was saying , "yes you are pregnant with an unplanned baby and no this is not a dream."

I had given up on escaping the babies after several skips and decided to watch baby emperor penguins.

It was quite interesting and entertaining to see that it was the fathers who takes care of the baby.

I couldn\'t help but laugh at the father running after his egg as it was sliding down the ice.

I immediately stopped laughing when he gave up and felt very bad and guilty that he had lost his child.

I know his wife chew him up later.

I then saw another father with his born chick feeding it and my heart just melted.

If only all male of all the species were like the father emperor penguins then most of us wouldn\'t be fatherless.

My heart ached at the thought of my baby not having a father and I started to feel guilty that it would be my fault.

The fear of being rejected was greater than the fear of my child growing up without a father and that was quite selfish of me.

I know of how important a father is in a child\'s life because I grew up with mine and don\'t know what I would have done without him.

I love my father and we had such fun growing up.

I was his favorite growing up and I am afraid that I would be demoted when he finds out and I don\'t think I will be able to handle that.

I sighed in frustration as I changed the channel and ate a spoon full of ice-cream.

I was really going through it man, don\'t judge me.

I found a decent enough movie to watch  that was babyless so I decided to watch it for a while.

It was a wildlife documentary about lions and deer so it would be interesting.

I laughed at the poor lion when he tried to catch the baby deer but instead ran into tree knocking himself out cold.

I found it extremely funny and I didn\'t know why.

I used to watch \'The Lion King\' with my mom when I was younger which was her definition of wildlife documentary.

Me and my dad would bond over hyenas ripping a half dead giraffes flesh and now that I think back on it, maybe that was a bit too much for an 8 year old but, I enjoyed it nevertheless.

As the day grew older and the night got darker my mood starting to shift from happy to sad.

I was now overwhelmed with emotions that I began to cry when a monkey fell out of the tree.

I sobbed at how the man was desperately trying to revive its lifeless body and I felt her pain.

To top it all off I had finished the tub of ice-cream and bag of chips so now I was crying that I greedily ate it all and that I am so fat.

I must have looked like a crazy person sitting there on the couch crisscross applesauce sobbing as I tore the bag open licking all the crumbs.

Tears streamed down my face, my nose stuffy and eyes red.

I felt, and most likely looked like shit.

I turned the TV off and decided to take a shower.

I took the empty snack packets and threw them in the bin before reorganizing the couch which I had initially messed up.

I entered my room and went straight into my bathroom taking my clothes off to stand in front of the mirror.

I was only 2 weeks pregnant but my mind made me look and feel sixth months.

I gently placed my hands on my stomach, the right at the top and the left at the bottom, turning sideways to look at myself in the mirror.

I suddenly got a brilliant idea, deciding to take a photo to show my future self.

I quickly grabbed a towel and ran to my bedroom looking for my phone when I remembered that it was in the living room so I quickly exited my bedroom to make my way to the living room.

I  found my phone on the handle of the couch where I had left it and was about to make my way back to the bathroom when the front door knob jiggled and in came Harin.

I froze at her sudden appearance and so did she at mine.

It was very awkward eye contact between us mostly because I was naked underneath but that didn\'t take away from our past two weeks.

"Hi" I said after few minutes trying to break the silence.

She stared at me for a few more seconds before deciding if I was worthy of a reply or not

"You gained weight" was all she said before she walked past me slamming her bedroom door after entering.

I felt my breathing become shallow and I took deep breaths before taking my phone back to the bathroom.

I felt sad by her words but it was true so I just decided to ignore her and do what I had initially planned to do.

I had already received reassurance from my sister that I was not all to be blamed so I was fine with her hating me.

I dropped the towel to the floor exposing my naked body getting ready to take the picture.

I had decided that this wasn\'t a maternity shoot so I put my bra back on as well as my underwear and took the photo.

I made a promise to myself then and there that I would take a photo every week and document my growth and my journey even if it will be by myself.