He pulled into my building\'s parking lot and as I was about to leave he held onto my hand stopping me, "Look I-." he sighed and ran his hand over his face.

I got tired of his weeping act and snapped, "You what huh? What Shiwoo? You\'re gonna me more about how dumb am I for trusting you for believe me I know."

"What no! Just listen," he took a breath then spoke, " I\'m sorry. You\'re not dumb nor a bitch. I was out of line and I admit that but you just don\'t understand. I don\'t want to bring you down by being involved with me just please try to understand."

He looked me in the eyes as he spoke and I softened a little, "why won\'t I understand Shiwoo? What is it?"

He sighed as he turned away and leaned his head against the steering wheel, "I can\'t tell you but just know that I\'m not right for you."

"You\'re not right for me? What a bunch of bullshit. You know instead of giving me this cliché bad boy good girl line you could have just said you just wanted me for my body. You just my God damn time."

"No wait just please don\'t go." I heard him say as I opened the car slamming it on my way out as I wobbled my way towards the elevator.

Does he think that I\'m stupid or something.

Oh fucking God I am such an idiot.

How could I have just given it up so easily to a stranger and lying one at that!?

I felt disgusted and embarrassed by my behavior last night.

I will never drink again.

The elevator dinged and I got off walking towards my door.

By the time I had entered my apartment tears had been falling like rain.

I furiously opened the door to my bed room and wen to take a shower desperately trying to scrub away the pain and the traces from last night.

I cried as the water flowed down my face letting all my anger and frustration out.

I had failed my self, my parents and my siblings.

What would people think of me?

I cried for about 15 more minutes till I felt nauseous and puked my guts out in the shower.

I washed my hair and exited the shower feeling a little better now that I had let it out but all the pain hit again when I saw the hickeys that he had left all over my body in the mirror and I started to cry again as I dried my hair.

I was a mess and he was probably out fucking dumb bithces.

I found it hard to look at my naked body in the mirror and felt disgusted by myself.

I was a slut.

A cheap whore.

I stood there in the bathroom calling myself ugly names until I felt nauseous again.

I ran to the toilet and puked my guts out as I cried and wept.

Where was Harin when I needed her?

I sat there on the floor next to the toilet feeling worthless and used.

I should be at school but what was I doing?

Leaving a boy\'s house that didn\'t give a fuck about me.

"That\'s right" I said out loud at the relaxation.

He didn\'t give two shits about me then why should I?

With that I got my self of the floor and cleaned my self up.

I can just pretend like this didn\'t happen and move on with life.

Being hung up on it won\'t bring me any good anyway.

I gave my self one good look in the mirror and replaced mg ugly words from earlier with beautiful affirmation, "I am beautiful, I am worthy and I am loved."

I repeated that until I started to believe for I was right.

I am everything good and more.

You can\'t grow until you have learned from your mistakes and I am going to use this as a learning process.

What\'s done is done and there is only forward from here.

I tried to think bright positive smiles as I went about my day and soon after a while I had forgotten about this morning.

The soreness in my leg was on it\'s way of being completely worn off so it was easy to move about about and not feel uncomfortable.

On my quest of forgetting I would often find myself slipping in memory and would busy myself with something new but the thing is I have been slipping so often that I has organized me and Harin\'s room, rearrange the books on the shelf, twice, cleaned the bathrooms and in general the whole house.

I checked the time expecting that it would have been like 6:00 pm or something but found that it was only 4:30 pm.

I sighed as this torture never seems to end.

I thought of possible chores to do but I had already done them some of them twice.

I decided on homework but to my dismay found that I had already completed every assignment and reading for this semester.

A nap was my only other option to escape from my problems but what do you know I even started dreaming about them.

I spent the whole day waiting for Harin to come home or even to answer my messages and texts but nothing.

I wanted to call my mom but feared that she would be disappointed in me so I decided not to.

Maybe it was for the best.

I felt lonely and wanted somebody to talk to.

I mean I had my first time.

Yeah he was a jerk but still. It felt amazing.

My mind replayed the events of last night and I bit my lip as I clenched my legs.

Even though I hated him I couldn\'t deny the fact they he made me feel so good to the point of forgetting my name.

I became lost in my own memories for a while until I felt my phone buzzing.

I quickly grab it looking at the caller ID to see that it\'s Harin.

"Hey!" she yelled through the phone almost bursting my ear drums so I pulled the phone away from my ear not willing to risk it and put it on speaker placing it on the space on the couch next to where I was sitting.

"When you\'re coming to the party tonight bring my red dress from the center of my large closet please. It was already dry cleaned."

"Hi nice to hear from you too" I sighed as I went into her room, "wait you said party tonight? I thought it was tomorrow."

"Yeah they just changed it. I\'ll text you the address."

"Okay" I said as she hung and texted me the address.

Well look\'s like we have a party to go.

Best get ready.