The first night alone in her own home was not what she thought it would be like.

It was lonely.

It was scary.

Though she no longer has to worry about loansharks banging on her door, she still has this niggling fear of someone breaking into her house. She got up a few times to check her doors. Since she bought a heritage building in the city, she had kept the double wooden doors. The first louvred wooden door with its metal bolt and the second inner door made of thick heavy timbre with two large and thick heavy timbre wooden bolts. She had made sure to turn the lock, latched the metal bolt and closed the inner door and pull the timbre wooden bolts across to lock it. She also checked the back door to make sure it is latched and securely locked. She had made a custom back door with a louvred peep hole so that she can look out to check the back lane, if ever she needs to do that. Even the skylight, which traditionally is an open space in middle of the house for ventilation and for sunlight to enter its centre courtyard, has grille bars across it to make sure no one can climb into the house from the roof. Her house is secure in every sense against any outsiders. She had even installed security alarms.

Yet, all these safety features meant nothing to her anxious brain. She paced the upstairs and the downstairs, checking on the front and back doors repeatedly, then checking on the windows. She had installed decorative metal grille on the windows too. Although it may not look it, her house felt more like a prison than Thorin\'s place. Actually, she felt worse here alone with her own thoughts. She kept thinking about her miscarriage. And when she tried not to think about it, thoughts about burglars and robbers breaking in while she sleeps enter her mind.

The first night was a sleepless one for her. Her bed was made up of top of the range mattress with the softest pillows and with the highest thread count ever, up to 1,000 thread count to be exact, bedsheets. There was even a two-horse power air conditioner fitted in her room and every room in the house. The eternal balmy tropical weather of George Town meant that air conditioner is almost a requirement in most houses in the city. She should be able to sleep comfortably but that was not the case at all. She tossed and turned. She thought of the many nights she spent cuddled in Thorin\'s arms on their bed. She missed that. She knew she could call on him and he would come but she didn\'t want to. Pride stopped her.

She would look like a total failure to immediately call him to spend the night with her on the first night. Also, she wasn\'t ready for any intimacy with him. She wasn\'t sure if she will ever be ready. The deep ache of the loss is still there within her. She buried that thought deep within her and try not to think of it again.

Then she went down to check the doors and windows, yet again. She had installed automatic movement sensor lights throughout the house so these kept blinking on as she moved around the house.

Finally, she gave up even trying to pretend to sleep. She went back to her living room, lie down on the chaise lounge and turned on the TV. When all else fails, there is always TV for her to stream channels to watch. She found some silly comedies and settled in to watch.

When orange streaks begin to fill the sky and she noticed the pale cold light of dawn from the skylight, she stretched and yawned. She shifted her position to lie down comfortably on the lounge chair. The TV is still on, playing another comedy. She fell asleep, her hands under her cheek, as warm buttery sunlight streams in through the skylight.

She woke up to the sound of her phone ringing. She sat up and stretched. There were kinks in her neck and her shoulder from lying on one side for too long. She search around for her phone and found it had fell and slid underneath her lounge chair. She picked it up. The ringing had stopped. It was Darren. She smiled. He is probably checking on her. She had told her friends that she is moving in on the weekends and today is Saturday. He is probably checking to see if she needed any help. She looked at the time. It was 10am. At least he didn\'t call her at some ungodly hour. She is still tired from the lack of sleep last night. More like she didn\'t sleep til dawn which was just a few hours ago.

She called back Darren. He picked up on the first ring.

"Were you asleep? What time are you moving in? I can help with the carrying and unpacking," he said without pause.

"Hold up! You don\'t have to do anything but maybe bring hot coffee and breakfast," she told him. She stifled another yawn. She is so sleepy. Maybe she should tell Darren to come over later. Somehow, in the bright day light, she felt safer and now all she wanted to do was to go to sleep.

"What time are the movers coming? Are you at your new place now?"

She smiled. Darren is like an excited puppy.

"I am already living here, moved her yesterday with Thorin\'s help…he…errr..instructed his workers to help so it\'s all settled and done, they even unpacked for me," she told him.

"Oh…" Darren sounded disappointed.

"Look, I barely slept a wink last night…maybe we catch up later? Around lunch time? I need you and the girls\' input on what I should study in college,"

"College???You are going to college?? What about your job?" Darren was surprised.

Oh right. She has not told her friends and she has not even come up with a plausible story to tell them yet.

She stifled another yawn. She is too exhausted to think right now.

"Look, Darren, I am so sleepy now…can we talk later?" she asked.

Darren reluctantly let her off. He promised to call her later, after noon.

After hanging up, she climbed the wooden staircase upstairs to her room. She collapsed on her fluffy soft bed and fell immediately asleep. It was the sleep of the dead because when she finally woke up, it was almost late afternoon. Her phone was ringing incessantly downstairs where she left it. She felt so much more refreshed from her long nap. She made her way downstairs and picked up her phone. It was already 3 o\'clock. There were at least 20 missed calls from Darren and more from Sheena and Jazzmine. And dozens of messages from all three too.

"Oh no, they are gonna kill me if I told them I overslept," she muttered.

She dialled Darren\'s number. He picked it up even before the first ring.

"Mei! Are you alright???" his panicked voice rang over the phone.

She felt so bad for making her friends worry and panic over her yet again.

"I went to you house and knocked but there was no answer. I went to the back door and tried to look in but couldn\'t see anything since the louvre was designed in a way to make sure I can\'t see anything!" he said.

"Sorry, Darren…I overslept…I was so tired…and I forgot to install a doorbell, I totally forgot about that!"

"What do you mean you forgot to install a doorbell? Isn\'t that your boss\' house? Shouldn\'t he have installed it?"

She really has to be careful when talking to Darren or any of her friends.

"Oh, he didn\'t have it installed and I noticed it but forgot to ask him to install one," she quickly come up with a lie.

"I\'ll go wash my face and get changed and then we can meet at N Cafe," she told him.

"Actually, all of us are outside your house, right now," Darren told her.

What?!?

She went to her window and looked down. Darren, Sheena and Jazzmine stood on the street and waved at her. She waved back, smiling.

No matter what happens, at least she can be sure that her friends will always have her back. She signalled for them to wait and then she bounded down the staircase. She unbolted the heavy wooden door, pulled it open, unlatched the first door and then unlocked it before opening it.

Darren, Sheena and Jazzmine stood there waiting for her, although Darren was smiling at her, the two girls were scowling at her.

"Honestly Zi Mei!"

"Really Zi Mei!"

"We thought you were kidnapped or unconscious or something!"

"We thought the loansharks took you!"

"How could you do this to us again!"

"We thought you were in an accident!"

They bombarded her with admonishments before hugging her in relieve. Darren merely stood aside and walked with them to the inner sanctum of her living room.

After all of them settled down, as if out of habit, Zi Mei walked back to the front door to make sure it is locked and bolted. She didn\'t pull the inner door closed. With her friends here and it is broad daylight, she didn\'t see the need to do that.

She went back inside and sat with them.