Rehearsals that day was different. There was an air of doubt, fear, sorrow, confusion and anger.

Even my Psalm was filled with so much emotions. Each word mixed with the other yet standing alone. It was like the thoughts of my mind.

The response was same_ slow, sad, lazy and I didn't expect more.

The law would say Nemo quod dat non habet. "No one gives what they don't have." I had no joy in me in that moment and so I couldn't give out one.

After the rehearsals had ended the choir master urged us to leave the church premises quietly. "Make una keep quiet for once for this una life. The sing you sing for rehearsals don reach just get sense." He cautioned when Angela sang.

Folasade pulled me into the church. She didn't say why but I knew why. We all did but we dared not speak.

Now the mother rolled on the floor obviously getting tired. She was now feeling the hopelessness of the situation she was in.

Her husband was now the one holding the child and when the wails became much, Father Valentino came. He heard.

He was like a god, radiant and graceful. His sultan reached the ground, an Immaculate white.

Everyone's eyes were on him as he walked into the church as if he was a heavenly being.

My eyes did not leave him. And even though I knew the seriousness of the matter before us, I wanted him to look up at me. I wanted him to see me, to acknowledge me.

But his eyes were on the child.

I swallowed.

Father Valentine took the child from his father with so much carefulness one might have assumed that the baby was in fact still alive.

Two mass servers stood behind him. One on the right and the other on the left. It was the one on the right that passed him the holy water he sprinkled on the baby's forehead.

His eyes left the baby for a second, a second he used to take in the crowd. The crowd who hoped that he performed a miracle, that Jesus marvels through him.

The crowd who believed more than they doubted because it was this belief that they've held on to all their lives, because without believing they would be lost, alien, different, ostracized. They didn't know that you could doubt and still belong even wholly

His eyes searched for mine in the crowd and our gaze held. I heard his soul say, "Gloria watch. Listen!"

"The way of the lord is not the way of man." He started his voice filled with awe and conviction. "God walks in mysterious ways. His way, the way of truth, of life, of genuine happiness. He has not abandoned you, he does not abandon his children. It is the devil that kills and destroys but God, God restores."

"Today the devil has taken away from you but God will restore, not like you want it but as he wills because his way is the best. You will meet your child again but as the lord wills. God will remember you." He said finally and there was a resounding Amen. Every claiming the prayer.

He smiled and sprinkled holy water on them.

We all took that as a clue to walk away. The wails of the mother increased piercing the four walls of the church.

Because her faith in God had proven to be useless she cried the more because she had no other person to turn to.

Of course Father Valentine could perform no Miracle, he didn't even believe in them.

"Father is full of the holy spirit and so much wisdom. I believe every word he says and I think this is God's will. Maybe she would have a twin soon." Folasade said pulling me away from my thoughts. "Or maybe the child was even evil." She said in a soft whisper.

We were walking home now in a squad of five. Those who stayed in the same street went home together after rehearsals ended.

Folasade was my only friend in Church. The one I said more than hi and a few words to. She was beautiful with her dark smooth skin and small lips. She had a crush on father Valentine and the father before him and the father before the father before him.

"Yes or even triplet. The way of the Lord is right." Angela supported. I giggled and nodded. I was thankful that at least she didn't speak so close to me.

I wanted to ask, "Who knows the way of the Lord?" But my questions could not be answered by mere ordinaries let alone brainwashed people. So I swallowed my questions and let them bloat my stomach.

If I had any left after I was done swallows then I would ask Father Valentine after all he was filled with so much wisdom even mere ordinaries knew that.