He washed me thoroughly in the shower. I tried to do it myself, but he removed the soap from my hands and cleaned every inch of my skin.

"You\'re punishing me." Sadness tinged my voice.

Momentarily, his soapy hands stopped moving. "No, I\'m giving you what you asked for."

"Then you\'re punishing yourself."

His gaze darkened. "But will it be enough, Rebecca? Can you forgive me? Will you love me again?"

I pulled him into my arms. I could see the pain in his eyes and I was so afraid to tell him how much I loved him. I never stopped and didn\'t think I ever would. It was me-I was punishing both of us, but I couldn\'t stop. The weeks and months of pain made me into a person I didn\'t know. I wanted to wipe it all away, let my heart melt again, and most of all forgive him.

Why was I doing this?

My tears started and my shoulders began shaking.

"Shh, Rebecca, it\'s okay. I understand. I\'ll do whatever it takes. I\'m not going anywhere and if I eventually get my way, you\'ll never go anywhere again. Please let me know when I can stop fucking you."

"Never," I cried.

"Okay," he whispered.

"But love me, too, Killian. I can\'t stop."

"Never stop baby."

He rinsed me off, wrapped me in a towel, and instead of carrying me to bed, he carried me to the kitchen and rested my butt on the same barstool I occupied that first night.

"You\'ve lost weight and need to eat."

"What are we having?"

"I have no idea, but I\'m sure it\'s good."

Killian\'s waist was wrapped in a towel that separated on the side of his hip, giving me a glimpse of naked flesh. We were back to naked games and I smiled. He turned and his grin answered mine.

"You\'re beautiful." His dimples grew.

"You\'re sexy." My smile widened.

"Stop that. Eating, then lovemaking. In that order."

"Okay."

We ate lasagna and drank red wine. It was the first alcohol I\'d had since getting drunk after my first winning meet. I needed it tonight, not a lot, but enough to take the edge off my nerves.

I finished my last bite, feeling Killian\'s eyes on me. "Talk to me, please," I whispered.

"Where do you want to talk?"

"On the couch."

"Come on." He helped me from my chair and didn\'t let go of my hand as he led me to the couch.

After we sat down, I reluctantly pulled my fingers away. Killian watched me clasp my hands and place them in my lap. He took a deep breath, but didn\'t speak.

I took the lead. "What changed your mind?"

"I never changed my mind, because I never stopped loving you."

I almost got up, but I could see he wanted to continue.

"I couldn\'t see past my injury, my dream, or the promise to my brother. Football has been my life since I decided it would give me the things Michael and my mom needed. You moved everything around. That wasn\'t a bad thing. I thought I could have it all, but \'all\' for me is winning."

Now his eyes turned away and my fingernails dug into my skin.

"My mother set me straight." He took a very deep breath and let it out. His gaze settled back on mine. "It doesn\'t matter what I do, Michael will never come back. He doesn\'t care if I win or lose a game. He only cares that I talk to him and spend time with him. He gets as much enjoyment, maybe more, from seeing the ducks as he does watching a football game. I\'m an adult, but there was still a small piece of my nine-year-old self that had a spark of hope. If I won, he would come back."

Tears welled in Killian\'s eyes and slid down his face. "I found him in the river, touched him, but then let go and came up for air. Thirty, forty-five seconds may have made a difference. I let him go. My twin brother who I loved so much. He wouldn\'t have let me go."

I couldn\'t help it; my own tears were falling, and I launched myself at Killian. He had no choice but to grab me, but he kept talking.

"My mother laid things out for me. Michael will never be the Michael I had. Nothing I do will change that. But- the Michael I had would have wanted me happy. Football and winning," Killian paused and moved me back so we were looking into each other\'s eyes. "Don\'t make me happy. You do. I\'m nothing without you. The game means nothing, my life means nothing. I love you more than I love Michael."

I spoke through my tears. "No, Killian, you don\'t. Your love stretches and accommodates new love."

He pulled me back in close. "You\'re so wrong. We will lose Michael someday. His health is iffy at best. He doesn\'t have enough resistance to illness. It\'s a miracle we\'ve had so many good years. When he\'s gone, I\'ll go on, but, Rebecca, I won\'t go on without you." He shuddered against me.

"I love you so much." I barely got the words out. "I\'m so sorry for what I\'ve put you through."

That laughing rumble in his chest felt so good. "You aren\'t nearly as sorry as I am. I was so stupid, so incredibly selfish. I love you more than life itself."

"Will you make love to me now?"

The rumble came again. "I\'ve never just fucked you, Rebecca. Every sigh, every shiver that runs across your skin settles in my heart. I can love you hard or soft, but it\'s love. Don\'t ever think you\'re punishing me because you ask me to fuck you."

My Killian. He always knew what to say to melt my heart.

We moved from the couch to the bed and didn\'t come out of the room until the next morning.

I woke up in Killian\'s arms. They tightened.

"You\'re awake?" he asked.

"Yes." I nuzzled his shoulder.

"I have something to show you." He stood up, took a t-shirt from his drawer, and put it over my head.

"This can\'t wait?"

"No." I watched him step into a pair of sweat pants and slip something small in his pocket.

He took my hand and guided me to the front door.

"I can\'t go outside like this. I\'m not wearing panties and it\'s broad daylight."

"My shirt is long enough." He hit a switch by the front door. "Close your eyes."

"If anyone is out front, I promise you will have blue balls for a month."

"I promise my balls are safe," he said with sexy, low laughter.

I closed my eyes and let him lead me outside. I heard water, but wasn\'t sure where it came from.

"Don\'t open them."

It was cold outside and the grass was freezing against my feet as he walked me onto his lawn. The first sprinkles I felt were strangely warm and then more poured down on top of me, plastering my shirt to my body.

"Open your eyes, Rebecca."

I did. I was standing in a circle of sprinklers that were spraying warm water. It made no sense.

"This is when I knew I loved you. That night we made love in the rain. After I returned from the hospital I had new sprinklers put in for just this spot. They emit cold or warm water depending on the season."

He couldn\'t see my tears with the water running over my face. I had no words, but he did. He went to his knee and pulled a ring from his pocket.

"Rebecca Lesley Cavanaugh will you marry me?"

The sobs burst from my throat and I fell to my knees with Killian\'s arms going around me.

"Yes, yes, yes."

He hugged me a moment longer, then shifted back and took my hand. The ring fit perfectly.

"I love you," he said so beautifully.

"I love you and you\'re crazy. No one has hot and cold water sprinklers put in their yard."

He laughed. "Then they haven\'t had sex in the rain."

"No. Not in broad daylight."

"We\'ll come back out here tonight." His wet lips came down on mine.

My Killian MacGregor, the romantic.