Yao Shen could go and try to find the Impermanences at once, but with his own and Yan Shuyi\'s fragile memories shoved inside the pockets of his shorts he doesn\'t dare.

Better to go home first and regroup. Besides, time passes weirdly in Youdu, he doesn\'t know how long he\'s been here. He needs to go back in case Bi Jialu or anyone else from his agency tries to get in touch with him.

Ghost king, is only his side gig, his first priority is still is acting career. Which is an odd thing to think, but true nonetheless.

He makes it back to the doorway before the extended effects of Invisibility even run out.

Which is probably all the more damning, when the door of his apartment\'s bathroom flies open on its own, showing  an unobstructed view of a Youdu street through his invisible body.

Xin Hulei, sitting on the sofa across the living room, gets up in a single fluid motion. His sharp eyes glinting with barely restrained hurt.

"Yao Shen what is this?"

The door to Youdu closes behind Yao Shen just as the effects of the Invisibility skill dissipate, revealing his wide, panicked eyes, and gaping, trembling mouth, to Xin Hulei\'s cold gaze.

"I can explain," he starts, his voice shaking.

"I don\'t think you can," Xin Hulei\'s voice is cold as a snowstorm.

Yao Shen almost wishes he would get angry at him, scream in his face and call him names.

Yao Shen can\'t risk talking here. Who knows when Si Wang might drop in and have a look inside his mind. This situation is so fucked, that he can\'t even trust his own thoughts, let alone in Xin Hulei\'s presence.

"I\'ll tell you everything, just...not here, please take me to your apartment, or \'hell on earth\'. I\'ll explain, but we can\'t stay here." He takes a step towards Xin Hulei but he sidesteps him effortlessly, trying to keep as much distance between them as possible.

It makes Yao Shen feel as if someone is taking a thousand tiny needles to his heart and piercing it all at once. He can\'t take the coldness in Xin Hulei\'s eyes.

"I swear, I can explain."

"Why should I believe you?" Xin Hulei asks, his voice barely above a whisper. "After everything I told you..."

Yao Shen makes a low wounded sound in the back of his throat.

It\'s very likely that Xin Hulei will just walk out on him and refuse to ever see him again. Yao Shen doesn\'t know what he\'ll do if that happens.

Desperate, he feels inside his pockets for the vial with Yan Shuyi\'s memories and takes it out to show Xin Hulei.

He empties out his mind of any thoughts. He only needs a second for Xin Hulei to read the inscription.

Yao Shen knows he has when his eyes widen minutely, and his lips fall open in a shocked exhale.

"Please, let\'s go somewhere so we can talk."

The moments before Xin Hulei says something feel like the longest of Yao Shen\'s life.

A painful reminder of everything he stands to lose.

Finally, Xin Hulei walks up to Yao Shen and curls his fingers loosely around his shoulder, as cold and impersonal a touch as he can get away with while still taking Yao Shen with him.

Yao Shen looks up at Xin Hulei\'s eyes as the flames start licking around both of them, but Xin Hulei doesn\'t meet his eyes even once.

---

He shouldn\'t have been surprised that Xin Hulei doesn\'t take him to his apartment, and instead, directly to \'Hell on Earth\'.

He doesn\'t greet the waiter who welcomes him with his usual smile and unctuous deference. Instead he walks through the busy restaurant and straight to the back rooms, Yao Shen following after him with his head lowered.

Xin Hulei takes him to a cramped backroom, with none of the opulence of the ones he\'s been to before. He pulls out a rickety folding chair and takes a seat, nodding towards the one folded up against the wall for Yao Shen to do the same.

"Speak."

Yao Shen rubs his sweaty palms down his shorts. He\'s only now realizing how hungry he is. From the little he has seen he can tell night has fallen already. He spent an entire day in Youdu again, without eating anything.

He didn\'t feel any hunger or tiredness while he was there, but now that he\'s back in the mortal realm, he feels as if the weight of the world is bearing down on him.

"Shortly after our audition together, I heard a voice in my head calling itself a \'System\'..."

Yao Shen explains everything that happened since then, being careful to detail how he made his own realizations, along the way. Stressing, time and time again, that the only reason why he didn\'t tell Xin Hulei sooner was because he didn\'t understand everything at first, and by the time he did he was too scared of hurting Xin Hulei with the truth.

Xin Hulei seems to take issue with that turn of phrase. The corner of his lips curls up in disdain. "Hurt me with the truth? So you thought it was better to deceive me with your lies instead."

Yao Shen pales. "No, I--," he tries to backtrack but the words fail him. He never thought this would happen now. Of all the ways he thought he would have to reveal the truth to Xin Hulei he never expected to be put in his position.

"I wanted to know what happened that day. I wanted to understand my own actions," Yao Shen says, taking a deep breath. "I know I shouldn\'t have kept things from you, but with the System - Si Wang, whatever, keeping an eye on me, it\'s not like I could cut all ties with you. At least they thought I was somewhat following along with their plan."

Xin Hulei\'s cold gaze bores into him, as merciless as a blade. "Why do you think that admitting that you\'ve been lying to someone else would make me trust that you aren\'t lying to me too?"

Yao Shen\'s eyes are stinging with the tears he\'s desperately trying to hold back. He\'s not going to cry in front of Xin Hulei, no matter what.

He got himself in this situation, and he\'ll get himself out.

As regretful he is that things have happened this way, he still believes he did the right thing, or at least he did the best he could given the circumstances.

"I spent hours in Meng Po\'s archive of memories trying to find my own memories, because I couldn\'t live with the idea that any version of me could have betrayed you," Yao Shen says, his voice wavering wetly.

He looks down at his feet to avoid looking into Xin Hulei\'s eyes. He knows he\'ll lose his nerve if he sees whatever is reflected in his cold gaze.

"I found Yan Shuyi\'s memories too, and brought them. Because I know how much he means to you, and I don\'t know...whatever you want to do. Whether there\'s a way to see them, or if you just want me to return them. I still wanted the choice to be yours." He takes a big shuddering breath, his fingers tightening on his legs.

"I know that there\'s nothing left of Xie Huan, because he\'s a demon, so I thought that at least, you should have something of Yan Shuyi. If you want me to find out about his reincarnations I can do that to-too."

His voice starts trembling, his throat clogged up by a tightness that makes it hard to breathe.

"I know who can help me remove the seal that prevents you from going back to Youdu, too." His eyes grow unfocused and only belatedly does Yao Shen realize it\'s because they\'re clouded with tears. "I was going to tell you everything once I found out how. I just wanted to bring the memories back to my place to keep them safe."

Xin Hulei remains silent all through this.

With great trepidation, Yao Shen summons up the strength to look up at him.

He\'s dismayed to find that Xin Hulei has once again become someone who Yao Shen is unable to read.

His eyes are as inscrutable as a still lake, and just as dark. Yao Shen has no idea of what he\'s thinking.

Yao Shen gets up from his own folding chair, unable to remain seated a single moment longer.

"I\'m sorry I lied to you, but believe me when I say I didn\'t know what else to do. All the other ghost kings are trying to manipulate me, like I suppose they did in the past, and I owe them no loyalty. There\'s a lot of inner struggle in Youdu right now, if you want, I can help you get your revenge."

Xin Hulei gets up too, his tall frame seemingly taking up the whole room.

"I believe you, I just don\'t trust you."

Those words, so calmly said, twist the blade lodged in Yao Shen\'s heart viciously. A perfect echo of something Xin Hulei has said to him before, but with none of the fond indulgence coating his sharp tongue.