Chapter 314: The whole truth and nothing else (4)

Nana roared in anger as she glared at him frostily.

“Tell me, Jinhai. From the beginning to the end, what did you do that say that you did everything for me or us? All you ever did was stomp on other people’s feelings and used them! And those were who didn’t even ever hurt you!”

Her chest was heaving up and down breathlessly. The kind and gentle Nana who once never knew how to be angry was nowhere to be seen now.

“I-” Jinhai tried to talk to her.

“Shut up!”

Nana raised her hand and stopped him from talking any more. “You said enough. Now you listen to me, Mr. Liu Jinhai. I really understand your pain. I always had, knowing how you were tricked into marrying Huian. I felt worse, knowing how you loved me all that time but kept it to yourself. I was happily living my life, but you were silently suffering. I truly feel horrible.”

She gasped as she sniffled. “But that didn’t give you the right to hurt others because you felt you were hurt, especially not to those people who were your family. That didn’t make you entitled to use them as pawns in your game.”

Jinhai gritted his teeth.

“You say that you backed out for Jianyu, you gave up because you cared for him and wanted him to be happy. But if in the anniversary celebration you already realized that Jianyu still had feelings for Suyin, then why didn’t you ever confront him? Why didn’t you say to him that he had to forget her or else he could hurt me? Why didn’t you open his eyes to the fact that I was going to be a part of his life so he shouldn’t entangle in the past anymore?”

Jinhai said nothing.

“Shouldn’t you have told Jianyu as a brother who cared for his cousin? Or as a man who saw the woman he loved, her happiness getting threatened? You understood everything that was happening, but you couldn’t say anything, and you know why?”

Silence.

“Because deep inside your heart, you badly wanted something that would break the chains which were stopping you from going ahead with your plan. You wanted Jianyu to make one mistake so that you would feel right and justified in what you were going to do.”

Jinhai stiffened. He couldn’t argue back. Even though he thought many times to talk to Jianyu, he didn’t. And exactly why Nana said.

“If you had confronted him, then perhaps there might have been a chance that he understood. But you said nothing, not because it didn’t strike you but because you feared that if he changed, then you would lose your ‘justified’ reason. You feared that he would  start to like me. So there was never any care for Jianyu in the first place. It was purely because you were selfish.”

“And then you were just playing mind games with everybody. You used everybody to gain your purpose. Even when Jianyu didn’t punish Suyin, you kept quiet. So what good and different did you do? Jianyu hid it from me, and so did you. So, if he broke my trust, then so did you!”

Jinhai’s eyes rimmed in tears. “Nana…”

“Then you used Uncle and Aunt Chen too. You took advantage of the fact that they wouldn’t allow this engagement anymore after what Jianyu did. You wanted them to be completely disappointed in Jianyu. The woman who was so excited for us, who tried her best in bringing Jianyu and me together; you forced the same woman to break the engagement. Do you even realize how she must have felt?”

Jinhai had nothing to retort.

She choked. Nana felt utterly horrible for Chen Liling. She always treated her as her own daughter. She was the first who showered her with unconditional motherly love. And looking at how Jinhai forced her in a corner where she had to make such a one-eighty degree decision, terribly hurt her.

Nana was completely disappointed. “Jinhai…She is your Aunt, Uncle Chen, and Jianyu are your family. They did nothing wrong. They never hurt you. They were never the reason behind your pain, then why did you so cruelly use them as mere pawns?”

Jinhai froze. “I…I didn’t use them…”

“Then what!?” Nana yelled. “You used them to serve your purpose. Is that what family members do? The Chen family loves you so much, and this is what you give them? But why them? And…” she cried harder.

“Why me, Jinhai? Why our baby?” She hit his chest hard. She kept hitting on his chest, but her hands didn’t have any strength.

Nana broke into loud sobs. She wailed like a little child.

Jinhai tried to hold her, but she didn’t let him. “Don’t! Don’t touch me.”

He was shocked. “What are you saying, Nana?”

“I said, don’t touch me!”

Jinhai couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Nana, why don’t you understand! What was wrong in loving you? Why was I wrong if I wanted us to be together? Yes, I planned everything, and yes, I might have made mistakes. I feel bad for the Chen family, but it was all for us! What did I do wrong!”

Nana stared at him hard. “Then tell me, why do you feel Huian was wrong in marrying you?”

Jinhai blinked his eyes. “What?”

“You heard me right. You say Huian selfishly married you, but didn’t she want the same thing as you? You wanted us to be together, and she wanted you two to be together. So why is it that she is wrong, but you are right?”

Jinhai couldn’t immediately answer.

Nana sadly laughed. “Huian tricked you into signing the marriage papers. You went one step ahead by tricking me into spending the night with you. So tell me, what is the difference between you and Huian? You both fooled the one you love into marrying you.”

Jinhai widened his eyes. “Of course, Huian was wrong! I didn’t return her feelings but Nana our feelings were mutual-“

“So?” Nana asked. “It still doesn’t make any difference. Whether one-sided or mutual, who gives you the right to play and use someone’s feelings for your own purpose!? And if you feel that you were so right, then why did you have to drug me? Why didn’t you just take me in a room and directly said, ‘Nana I love you, and I know that you love me so why don’t we break it off with our partners and be together?'”

Jinhai couldn’t answer.

“You know why did you have to drug me that night? Because you knew that in my conscious state, I would have never slept with you. No matter how much I loved you, no matter how much I wanted to be with you, I would have never crossed that line. That was against my principles. Yet you forced me! That night was nothing more than a step in your plan!”

Tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Nana, please don’t say that..”

She tore her gaze away from him.

“But you didn’t love Jianyu! Why were you adamant in being with him!?”

“And who were you to make that decision?” Nana roared. “You think I didn’t know that? Do you think I didn’t realize what I was getting into? Yes, I loved you, but who gave you the right to decide if I should be with Jianyu or not? You were married. And whether to be with Jianyu or not, the decision lay with me. So why did you interfere!”

Nana clutched his collar. Her pink lips turned pale, and they trembled.

“And then our child! For God’s sake, our child Jinhai! You used our baby who hasn’t even stepped in this world! Our child, my pregnancy, was also just a means for you to break your marriage with Huian. That is why he was conceived. Not because of love but because of a hidden agenda.”

Jinhai clutched her arm hard. She slightly furrowed her brows as she winced in pain.

“That night wasn’t a lie, Nana! Yes, I had motives, but I made love to you with all heart. Every last bit of my feelings was true!”

She tried to resist and shake him off, but Jinhai tightly held his grasp.

“No, Liu Jinhai,” she gazed straight at him. “Everything was a lie. Everything was only about you. You did nothing but use people to break free of the marriage even if it meant your own child. You knew I would feel hurt and betrayed. You knew I wouldn’t have agreed to sleep with you, so you simply forced the situation to take that shape. Just because I loved you back, you thought that you had the right to sleep with me? The decision to spend the night must be equally mutual and not just feelings!”

Jinhai tightened his grip further, but it didn’t deter Nana from telling the truth.

“Everything was only about yourself. Your love for me, your wish to want us to be together, you wanting Huian to step out, everything…Did you ever ask me what I want?”

Jinhai didn’t understand. “If you love me, then didn’t you want to be with me?”

“Not by stepping on and using others! Not by making Uncle and Aunt Chen hurt. Not by manipulating Jianyu! And certainly not by using our unborn child!”